Focus.........

Uncertainties in job security is causing some havoc in my mind and life lately....all I can say is reading scriptures help in getting the comfort that I need.

Okay....what will happen if I lose my job? What should my preparation be? It is quite interesting how my mind explores the many various opportunities and how fickle my mind can be....My flow of thoughts (not all in one day, but over the past 3 months...)

First thought - Great opportunity - now I will have time to practise my piano that I can be good enough to serve in the church, playing the congregation hymns. I believe this is a good skill to have when I serve as a senior missionary couple in the future - there are not many pianist around. Right now, I am still hopeless at the keyboard.....Oh yes, I would have time to research my mother's side family genealogy and hunting in the cemetery ground! And yes, I could improve on my Chinese (somehow I feel that when China opens its door to our missionaries, there will be many needs to serve in China or at least to the Chinese people...it is embarrasing that I, as a Chinese descendent, dont read or speak Chinese (Mandarin) whilst my old bishop, an American, could speak so fluently (well, I am not that bad.....out of a score of 10, I think I could rate myself as 3 or maybe 3.5 on oral, and probably 1.5 on reading!! :-D )

Hmmnn..my intial thoughts are so noble and good.....but someone brought me back to real world - I am too young to stop working....sigh...so the worldly needs come creeping in...

Thoughts # 2 - My next idea - I will start a yarn store business, teaching people crocheting (I still havent learned how to knit yet!). I will have books that people can choose the pattern they want and I can teach them provided they buy the yarns from my store! ha ha ha. (my mom likes the idea - maybe because she has been pestering me to buy her some yarns (ha ha) but my 2nd sister said the business wont be able to survive in our small hometown.......hmmm)

Thoughts # 3- Then I thought I will be a photographer - earn money by selling my photos! I went to the library to borrow books on "How to make money from your photos" - Great book, but it also brought me back to reality -The author said one should photograph what one loves! Great except the things that sell are not the things that I love to photograph!.

(Photo - My winning entry in a contest ran by my Company in 2007 - photo taken in Sungei Buloh Reserve, Singapore).

...I like nature photography - animals (particularly birds), insects (macro), plants (macro), landscape etc. This, according to the author, is a very competitive market and most publishers have already their preferred sources - it is not easy for new photographer to slip in to get a place to hold (let alone earn a living)- he also cautioned that you are not likely to get rich in this area (echoed by many other nature photogprahpy authors as well ! sigh).

(photo - taken from a Canon S3 compact camera in Jurong Birdpark, Singapore)

To be able to sell your photos to agencies, I need professional quality cameras - the camera body itself is already S$14k..the lenses also in high end of the 4 digits category! This is nightmare number one!. If I believe that I wont be able to sell my photos, then I shouldnt invest in these cameras. I guess I dare not take the risk. So, my next choice is to downgrade one level - the price range of the camera body is now about S$3k to S$5k. Lenses are still in 4 digits category - some can go to near 5 digits since I am looking into long telephoto lenses for bird photography.

Nightmare # 2 - which camera should I buy. I limit myself to two choices only - Nikon or Canon. And that already caused enough confusion and late nights reading. My current choices - Nikon D300 vs Canon 50D ($S3k) or Canon 5D Mark II vs D700 (about $4-5k). From photoshoots found in books, I like the output of Nikon but I love the lenses of Canon ~~~so nightmare continues~~~

(photo - taken from a Canon S3 compact camera in Jurong Birdpark, Singapore)

I dreamed to be a professional bird photographer. There are many great bird photographers in America and UK and they wrote many books on bird photography (I got my hand on some of them from my local library). So I thought - ha...here is an opportunity opening....I can be the professional bird photographer of Malaysia/Singapore! There is none in the market. I went on day dreaming on how I will stalk all the birds in Malaysia & Singapore and all the great pictures that I could shoot - and how all the publishers will look to me for birds' photos. My dream was sweet but it lasted only until I searched the internet for bird photography in the Asia region. Actually, there were already a lot of photographers out there in this region and most of them are carrying the professional cameras too! Shucks. Only consolidation is was the quality of their shots vary, but there are plenty of great shots, and they travel quite extensively to search for birds. My dreams are cracking.........In my dreams, I didnt take into the consideration of how heavy a camera with long telephoto lens would weigh, and not forgetting the weight of a steady tripod - in total, that must be at least 20kg plus....about half of my own weight. How did I even think I could do this? Maybe I will forget about forest birds and just do garden birds instead....ha ha ha .

(photo - taken from a Canon S3 compact camera in Sungei Buloh Nature Reserve, Singapore)

Just a thought that came to my head this moment, I think I should join the Asian photographers' chat forum and ask whether their photos could sell or not in this region. That would be a good gauge whether I should go headlong into this.

Thoughts No 4 - My 2nd sister owns a florist shop. During Chinese New Year, she showed me some of her stuff that can sell and ask me to consider making these things as a business. They are home decorations made out of flour dough. She sold them for a couple of hundred Ringgit Malaysia. This is one made over a wine bottle...she hasnt put in the words yet.

She gave me a wooden board and showed me how to use the flour dough to make a decorative poster. Being a very BIRD person, I decided to make a picture with birds in it. My sister was impressed with my output - she said I am a very detailed person and have the right patience to do this work! (Although she was appalled at the amount of dough I used because it was expensive - next time, if I do it again, I would make the body of the bird either hollow inside or much flatter..ha ha). Another assignment is for me to find out how to make these dough which hardened when dried up so that we dont need to buy it from outside and pay premium price. I have found some information in the internet but have not tried it yet whether their formulation is good enough for "saleable items".

I was very proud of my creation, honestly. As a first timer, I think I did pretty good in this free-hand sculpting (except for the lettering which uses a mould, the rest are done without one).

Next, I got to paint them. This is when I got into trouble.....My first attempt as below.

Not good...second attempt...still not good. My sister said it cant sell.....

I brought the poster back to Singapore to continue working on it - I think I will paint the background more yellow-based. And if that still doesnt make the birds stand out, I might have to change the colors of the birds. Havent had time to do it yet. But judging at the amount of time I spent trying to paint it correctly, I am skeptical I can make a reasonable business income of making & painting these things.....

So, my current thoughts are still on bird photography, unless it changes again over time......Where is my focus? Yesterday, I was feeling quite down and I turned to the scriptures for help and I did the random flip-open book method, and these were the words that stood out:

"Go ye out from Babylon"....D&C133:5

Ha ha....I guess I should re-focus on my first dream/thoughts....